Last night, I was sitting at the kitchen table with a friend and we were trying our hands at macrame-ing plant holders. It was late and we were on a deadline. I've made macrame friendship bracelets, so I thought it would be quick and easy. That, it was not. You see, macrame is a series of knots. Knots tied this way and that, each way having a different look. We were learning most of it as were going. When I got to the end of my first piece, I realized I had done it reeeeally wrong. Like, it was WRONG. It looked great, but it wasn't functional at all. The plant didn't even fit. Our rope was limited, so if I wanted this plant hanger to work, I was going to have to start over. So one by one I removed the knots until I just had string again.
I've been in a phase of life where pretty much any little event like this compares to some aspect of my life. It's silly, I know. But last night I realized that my whole life has been a series of un-macrame-ing. A series of getting to the end and realizing you missed something in the beginning that had affected everything else. A series of unbuilding and rebuilding. A series of trying again, even after failing for the third, fourth, or one-hundredth time. And there is an art to that... There is an art to being able to keep trusting God and begin again.
This is where I am today. I'm in the process of unbuilding and picking apart every little detail trying to see where I went wrong. It's tough to see your work have to take a step back because something just isn't working anymore. But the good news is, we can all rest assured knowing that God will help us rebuild again, whenever it is time.
My last class in art school focused on what I had learned during my time studying the subject. As seniors, we were asked to write an "artist's statement" that put all of this into words. What did we learn? What did we feel? But most of all, "What IS art?" I reflected on my first year as an art student, and how I sat in front of a canvas numb and frightened for such a long time. I had an idea, but the fear of doing it wrong stopped me from literally putting any paint on the canvas. What I learned in this time helped me grow in more ways than just painting. It opened my eyes and caused me to trust in the Lord more than ever. I'm not sure if you've ever tried to paint for the first time ever... It's. Frightening.
Well, there isn't much I could say that my 22 year old self did that still resonates with me. But the Lord helped me comprehend an answer to such a big question- "What is art?" I am so thankful that I have something to look back on and something to remind me of how I first started letting go and trusting God. So every time I fail, get overwhelmed, get scared or start having doubts, I just remind myself of the words He gave me--
"Art is vulnerable. It's about starting with an intentional idea and letting it take you to unintentional places."